Let Them Eat Flake

Here’s a treat to start the year. It’s a poem about sweets by Elvis McGonagall. He wrote it for Radio 4’s Saturday Live at the time Kraft bought Cadbury, and it’s included in his wonderful new collection Mostly Dreich. Enjoy.

 Let Them Eat Flake

It’s Opal Fruits – not Starbursts. Treets – not M&Ms.
A Marathon is not a Snickers Bar.
Uncle Joe’s Mintballs to Krafty Uncle Sam.
Shut the lid on our nation’s sweetie jar!

Yes a man’s gotta chew what a man’s gotta chew –
Highland Toffee, Jelly Babies, Twix.
Now it’s Crunchie time for every Fruit ‘n Nut case –
There’s Bounty hunters in our pick ‘n mix!

Because a Finger of Fudge is not enough
For the city boys’ sticky-fingered pillage.
Singing Yankee Doodle Dollar Candy’s Dandy
Waving stars ‘n stripes over Bournville village.

Chunky chocolate cowboys have shot the Milk Tray Man.
Cup hands – there goes Cadburys way out west.
There’s golden tickets for the boardroom Willy Wonkas,
It’s come up Roses for the bankers who know best.

They’ve got the Oompa-Loompas by the Curly Wurlies,
It ain’t no Picnic on the factory floor,
The Billy Bunter fat cats still get all the Crème Eggs
But if you work for Buttons – there’s the door!

So please, let’s keep the family silver in the family.
Scoff the last Rolo before it melts away.
Let’s Revel proudly in Albion’s confectionery,
It’s made British teeth what they are today.

Mostly Dreich

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15 Responses to Let Them Eat Flake

  1. Nikki says:

    Just heard this on radio think its great ! Put a smile on a very wet day

  2. paul says:

    I heard this on the way to work today and thought what a brilliant poem and so true. Couldn’t wait to read it on my PC when I arrived here. Well done Elvis I hope more people enjoyed this as much as me.

  3. Frank says:

    Brightened up my drive to Middlesbrough today and brought up some chocco memories

  4. Robin says:

    Long day today but could not wait to find this poem and show it to Jamie (9). It is what poetry should be like. Punch and pith with a dash of sweet and sour.

  5. Vicky Flavell says:

    Love this poem, it gives me tingles of nostalgia. I always read it when I feel a little sad and it never ceases to cheers me up !

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